She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
