you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
