Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
