Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
