love makes seman taste better
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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