I wish I only lived at night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
