Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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