This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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