i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And then he peed in my hair
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