Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can't special order awesome
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
