Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize