i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
love makes seman taste better
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
