Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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