I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
