so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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