Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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