Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
