I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
