the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
