i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
