fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
