So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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