if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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