so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
