if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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