meet me or not, i'm out of control
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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