Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
