JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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