Will you blow on my dice?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
