Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
