i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
