Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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