I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
