Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
