Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize