i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
