I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
