she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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