lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
