Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize