I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
