i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
