I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
