They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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