He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
