I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize