Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
