the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
