My Higher Power is John Stamos
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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