so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
